Ok, Here's the situation - 

The Corporate World Headquarters of Cujocon Industries, Parent of Wemailcoconuts.com is strategically located about 2 hours west of Boston Massachusetts in a little place some asshats call GrittysBurgh. (I'm some asshat)

The Ol' GB is at a crossroads where one can sell their soul or just take a restful sojourn a short trip away in one big city in each direction...Boston that way, Burlington straight up, Albany to your left, and Hartford, CT below you.

Out here in WESTMASS (which is what we all secretly call it) we have something so precious that we don't like much to talk about it, but I'm going to...for your sake - for the sake of your soul - perhaps for the sake of your soles.

There are trees out here. A fuck-ton of trees. Y'all are like, no shit. But, here is the thing, the cosmic trick, the magic in dem dar hills...mushrooms.

Yup, I'm talking about death.

And nature's Death-Eaters and regenerators and beautifiers and magic makers - mycelium.

Imagine me on a Soapbox. 

A soapbox is a wooden crate.

Imagine me on a wooden crate in a bucolic square. Bucolic means pleasant countryside.

Imagine yourself mesmerized by me (caught in my gaze and wrapped in my words) on my wooden crate in my Top Hat and Tails (did I not mention those).
I am a snake-oil salesman.

This is my product. It is made from the stuff in the list on this page. 

If you want to know what they all SUPPOSEDLY do - Bing search that shit.

I put 3 full droppers into my first coffee every morning (made with Chaga water of course).

You could do that too - you could even come over for coffee some time.

I forage every item in the bottle (except the vodka) and I extract and double-extract it all for months before it goes into the bottles. 

For a bottle, you gotta email me though wemailcoconuts@gmail.com since it's got Vodka in it and I don't want no trouble with the law. 

Please note that this is about the equivalent alcohol to a single shot and it would taste like mushrooms and I don't recommend drinking it as a shot in the slightest.

This is not some elaborate ruse to sell 2 oz of vodka to underage party animals with a penchant for fungi.